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<title>Lovefool by Seastheday (CallieDakin2020)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27111478">Lovefool</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallieDakin2020/pseuds/Seastheday'>Seastheday (CallieDakin2020)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:54:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>887</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27111478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallieDakin2020/pseuds/Seastheday</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Annika gets a new girlfriend who reminds her about self-respect</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine, Seven of Nine/B'Elanna Torres</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lovefool</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=EmotionalTrainwrecks">EmotionalTrainwrecks</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To my once dear friend,</p><p>I am sorry for all that has happened. I know the fault is mainly my own.</p><p>I have known for a very long time that you didn't love me. You kept me at a distance and  humoured me with your interest only occasionally. </p><p>B'Elanna, you were unkind to me. And I was a fool.</p><p>You accepted my gifts, my concern and my love. And I accepted your disinterest, your scolds, and your constant state of indecision.</p><p>You would kiss me and then stop suddenly. You would like me to touch you and then you would refuse to touch me. </p><p>But would you stop talking to me, would you stop seeing me, would you finally tell me that you were not interested in me?</p><p>Not initially. </p><p>It was ultimately more satisfying to use and enjoy me from a distance.</p><p>And when you did choose not to speak to me for several weeks I was devastated. My heart was broken and I did not know how I would ever experience happiness again.</p><p>You were my first true love and my first true friend. But of course, you were never really either of these things.</p><p>I had arrived on this ship friendless. I had tolerated your intolerance. But after some months I had finally been seduced by your false interest. And in the end I had found myself mourning the death of a relationship so toxic I was a fool to indulge in it.</p><p>But I was lonely. </p><p>You had then sent me a gift. An apology for your silence.</p><p>You were exhausted.</p><p>But why were you exhausted? I pondered before realising that of course, life was exhausting you and I was exhausting you even more.</p><p>You were very lonely too. But your loneliness had made you cold. Unfeeling.</p><p>I was reminded how I should have terminated our toxic friendship many, many months ago. You should have terminated our toxic friendship.</p><p>But like me, in your loneliness, you could not choose to get rid of me. And you suffered internally for the things you could not yet find, and to your very great resentment, the things you could not find in me...</p><p>Yet I continued to be engaged and interested in you, and this made you resent me even more.</p><p>After our brief romance died and our friendship decayed, after my foolish heartbreak and your swift indifference, another woman finally found me and loved me.</p><p>It was the Captain, and neither of us could believe it true.</p><p>When I told you at first you laughed at me. You insulted me and then you insulted her. </p><p>"But she is so much older than you, will you really be sleeping in the same bed? </p><p>You know that you cannot kiss me if you now have a girlfriend?"</p><p>"Katie is a stupid name. All the Katie's I know are stupid.</p><p>Katie looks like a man.</p><p>Katie's cooking looks disgusting. Did you really eat it?"</p><p>I told the captain about you and about the things you had said. </p><p>She wondered why you and I were friends and so did I.</p><p>Because I was foolish and lonely and accepted you and your insults and criticisms because I had no other friendship to compare our toxic relationship to.</p><p>And really, you had no other friendship too.</p><p>Do you remember once telling me I should work in a sex store? I had given you physical love and you had seen it as a service.</p><p>Do you remember telling me you only kissed me because you missed the sensation of kisses? You had told me that you liked my smile but that you were never attracted to me. </p><p>This admission had devastated me, But I had hidden my heartbreak because I still valued our friendship. </p><p>I was an underexperienced adult and you had taken advantage of me, and I was certainly a fool.</p><p>When I finally told you that I was tired of your behaviour, you accused me of forever being the cause of our disagreements and strife anyway.</p><p>You told me that you were good and kind and that perhaps it was indeed better that we should not be friends.</p><p>It took a long time but our friendship finally died.</p><p>And because I still cared about you, even then I tried to make up with you.</p><p>I am still a fool. I suspect I will always care about you, but mainly I will pity you and pity myself for still thinking about you.</p><p>You need a woman, a lover, a friend whom you can respect.</p><p>I now have a woman who loves me in the way a woman should be loved, and all you did was respond with jealousy.</p><p>I will always regret our lost friendship, but I am a fool.</p><p>You have never given me friendship, B'Elanna. You have used me, exploited my feelings, and I have allowed you to.</p><p>Loneliness made me lose my self-respect and I am embarrassed by myself. </p><p>But Katie's love and care helped me regain it. </p><p>I know now that I should have tried harder to love myself. </p><p>Somebody who loves themselves can never be tormented by a false friend like you.</p><p>I wish I had learnt about self respect before I had met you.</p><p>Best wishes and the best of luck to you,</p><p>Annika Hansen</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading, I know it's a bit rough and ready, but I hope the sentiment makes sense</p></blockquote></div></div>
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